What is Gaslighting? The Meaning, Signs and How to Seek Help

TEMPO.CO, Jakarta - Has someone ever made you think that your feelings are not real? They invalidate you, and then you start questioning yourself. Well, you might have been exposed to an act of gaslighting, which means that you had been gaslighted.

For example: “Why are you so sensitive? It was a joke!”, this is the kind of sentence that people who gaslighted you want to avoid the fact that they are actually gaslighting you.

Recently, gaslighting, or gaslit, has gained significant attention, particularly in discussions about mental health and relationships. To put simply, gaslight refers to a form of manipulation resulting in the victim doubting themself.

One should know whether they have been gaslighted or not, since this situation is able to leave negative impacts on their mental health. In that case, let’s find out more about gaslighting, from its signs and things you can do to seek help.

But what exactly does it mean? Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where one person tries to make another person doubt their own perceptions, memories, or even sanity. This tactic is often used by individuals who want to gain control or power over others, making the victim question their reality and, ultimately, their sense of self.

What is Gaslighting?

According to Medical News Today, the term "gaslighting" originates from a 1938 play titled Gaslight. The play follows a husband manipulating his wife into believing that she has a mental illness.

It was then Dr. Robin Ster, co-founder and associate director for the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, who popularized the term “gaslighting” to the public, specifically through her book entitled “The Gaslight Effect”, Healthline informs.

Over time, this term has evolved to describe a broader pattern of behavior where one person repeatedly deceives or misleads another to the point where the victim begins to question their own reality.

In other words, as explained by Medical News Today, gaslighting is often used to maintain control over the victim by disrupting one’s self-trust, while at the same time creating dependency to the perpetrator.

While some victims come from romantic relationships, gaslighting can also be perpetrated by bosses, friends, and even parents. Not only can it lead to constant unhappiness, gaslighting may cause several changes to your behaviors.

Signs of Gaslighting

Recognizing gaslighting can be challenging, especially because it often happens gradually and subtly. However, there are some common signs that someone might be gaslighting you.

These are some examples of gaslighting according to Healthline and Medical News Today :

1. Countering

This is when someone questions your memory and then they add new details to eventually blame you in a certain situation.

Example: “Are you sure about that? I don’t think that’s what actually happened.”

2. Trivializing

The gaslighter belittles on how you actually feel, or that your experience does not matter. Oftentimes, you’re accused of being dramatic or overly sensitive.

Examples “I was just joking. Gosh, you’re being dramatic.”

3. Withholding

The gaslighters will accuse you of making them confused. For example, they will say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about”. 

4. Denying

This involves the gaslighters to pretend to forget things and say that they can’t remember.

Example: “What? I never do that. Don’t make things up.”

Furthermore, Healthline specifies, if in any way you’re experiencing one or more of these signs, it means, you have been impacted by gaslighting:

- Start to doubt and question yourself

- Apologize frequently

- Face difficulty in making a decision

- Wondering whether you’re too sensitive

- Persistent feelings of anxiety, nervousness, or worry

- Feel increasingly powerless that they find difficult to escape

How to Seek Help

If you suspect that you are a victim of gaslighting, it is important to seek help. Although gaslighting or any other psychological manipulation may not eventually lead to physical abuse, it is still better to prevent worse things from happening.

Still referring to Healthline, here are some ways to get the support you need:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

The first thing that you need is to trust your feelings and acknowledge that the behavior you are experiencing is not normal or acceptable.

2. Talk to Someone You Trust

You can reach out to a friend or family member that you fully trust to share your experience. Their presence will help you regain your strength, as well as offering additional perspective regarding your situation.

3. Collect Some Evidence

Collecting evidence here is not necessarily for a legal action. Rather, anytime you find the gaslighter, for example, denying their action, you can check and show your documented interaction with them.

4. Call Out the Behavior

Some people may not have the courage to call out the perpetrator. However, if you feel the need to stop the gaslighter from continuing their action, don’t be afraid to speak up!

5. Seek Professional Help

A therapist or counselor can help you navigate the complex emotions that come with being gaslighted. They can provide strategies to rebuild your self-esteem and regain control of your life to protect yourself from the manipulation of gaslighting.

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