TEMPO.CO, Jakarta - I had heard so many times people saying the it was surreal sentence. Each time, I said to myself, I wish it was me who said it. It sounded so sophisticated and magical. But I had never experienced any occassions I would consider surreal until that one particular night.

It was stemmed from my anxieties. I had always been a loner and of the few friends I had, I wasn't able to discuss about issues that I'm deeply interested in because I assumed, out of my arrogance probably, they wouldn't be able to understand. I thought they were too mainstream, too caught up in the popular culture. Living in Canada as a diplomat, being pulled out of my root Indonesia, emphasized my loneliness. There were even times that I felt friendless. Then it dawned on me that for two years I had wasted so much time associating myself with unlikeminded crowds. I only had a year before I returned to Indonesia, so I was determined to change that. I needed to be with people whose knowledge would feed me, mind, body and spirit.

So I joined several meetup groups. Meetup is a site that enables people of similar interests gather and do whatever they like to do. I became a member of a group that focused on philosophy and psychology and a group of cat lovers.

What I would like to discuss here is the previous one. The coordinator of the group was a psychotherapist. His name waa Craig. I went to their meetings and eventually got to know the other members. Craig's spouse, Carla; Tim, a literature student; Lance, a former therapist and some other members whom I am not able to name. I just categorize them as vampire like, handsome or looking professional.

During the meetings, I had the opportunity to be in discussions about the works of Freud, Jung and Lacan, about psychoanalysis basically. I was like a hungry child wo was feed, a paper towell absorbing water. I questioned I seeked. Philosophy is about getting to know yourself, and since selfishness persists, getting to know about yourself would always be interesting. The more you learn, the more you realize that it is impossible to completely understand about yourself. There would always be something missing. When you think you finally figure out about yourself, you actually haven't. So my psychoanalysis meetups with those new friends were frustrating yet addictive. I had never felt so alive, at least during my stay in Canada.

I haven't yet touched upon what I mentioned in the beginning as surreal. To get there, I should mention about Craig the coordinator and his spouse Carla, a lawyer. They were an interesting couple and highly educated. Both of them had in depth knowledge about psychology and philosophy and how they were applied in other branches of science, for example in legal matters. I also found them very generous because they provide the venue for the meetings, their home. All in all, they seem normal and looked a lot like a happy couple.

Then it happened. That evening, we had a gathering at their place as usual. Suddenly, Carla told one of the meetup members to get out of their apartment. She thought that he was her mother and she did not like to see her around. It happened without a warning, we were in awe.

Several thoughts came to my mind. So Carla had a psychological problem? Was Carla Craig's patient? Did they first meet when Carla was looking for help to deal with that problem? Did Craig psychoanalyze his spouse? All those times we discussed psychoanalysis, I did not realize how much it actually touched the core of the life of the couple.

Carla screamed and threw a temper tantrum. Craig had to deal with her outburst while the others who wished to proceed with the meetup went to a bar nearby. It was surreal. Living abroad can be very surreal indeed. There. Said it.

Sylvia Masri, Diplomat, (sylviamasri@yahoo.com)