TEMPO.CO, Jakarta - Mature, have a stable career, and the relationship is incredible so far, but there is no seriousness in having marriage. What should you do?
According to psychologist and lecturer from The Chicago School of Professional Psychology US, Jeremy Nicholson, M.S.W., Ph.D., the modern era has brought changes in social views that affect a person, including on marriage issue. For example, men are pressured by the economic burden after marriage, so they tend to choose the career first. Men are also less-motivated to have a long-term commitment as they think divorce is high in this modern era.
Besides, many women now are more careful to undergo a serious commitment. Jeremy stated that the emancipation has reduced the women dependence on their partners. If you encounter this problem, here are three ways to apply:
1. Talk about it
The first step to overcome the problem is to have a deep talk. A clinical hypnotherapy specialist from New York's Healing Arts Rachel Astarte suggested asking your partner if he or she chooses to delay or reluctantly having a marriage bond.
"If your partner says the reason then listen. After the explanation, give your reason why you should marry. By sharing both your viewpoints gives you a wider view," Rachel said.
2. Understand His or Her Reason
Psychotherapist and author of How To Be Happy Partners: Working It Out Together Tina B. Tessina said the fear of commitment could be due to fear of loss. "Making a commitment means taking the risk that it might not work. Some people who have been hurt in the past, 'protect' themselves by not making commitments," he explained.
Some reasons also due to 'preparation'. All things must be prepared first before starting a serious commitment. "So you have to understand your partner's point of view without judgment, and you should be open and respect each other so that you can find the best solution," Tina suggested.
3. Waiting
After figuring out the problem, the founder of The Marriage Restoration Project, USA Sholomo Slatkins advised to be patient and endure the relationship. Do not press the partner which further makes him or her reluctant to commit. "Time will change it, even though you can not wait forever. During the time, you can find a way out of the problem together and keep giving a positive opinion about the marriage so maybe he or she will melt and follow your wishes. Otherwise, at least you've tried it," he explained.
AURA
